THE DAY OFF

When spring comes increasingly felt more acutely the need to leave everyday problems and go for a few days at the cottage in the woods, where the sublime tranquility disturbed only by the chirping of birds and precipitated noise generated by wind mîngâierile addressed budding branches, I can recollect and I can recharge my spirit with the energy required to retake the waves daily chest.

We therefore need a few days off from work and all my juicer brains how to persuade my boss to give me the desired days. The work was somewhat later in the sense that I was not very large delays, and if I would have received approval, I could recover all the delays so I decided to use a little trick and enable it to my boss conditional my departure from completing the work. I know, not very ethical what I try, but a small handling not never hurt anyone, especially if the one who is the victim of such actions did not even realize it was "turned on his fingers."

I realized that only by acting crazy, I understand that one can not base my services, and I have to think of a solution.

That day, I arrived a few minutes early to work and I hanging from the ceiling, while putting my feet up on the ceiling. Immediately, one of Sally office colleagues, a gorgeous blonde fox character, I noticed perched up there and dominated by feminine curiosity and asked me what I was doing there and especially why they do what they do.

- I do not wanna hear your mouth, I said, make crazy because I need a few days off. I give the right bulb to convince the boss to send me on vacation!

- And you think you're gonna go, you know very well that the boss does not want to go on vacation leave until all the files in order. Secondly even if your work will be done, I think it will take as long as you leave all the work assigned office charts will not be established. This means that all office work must be on time. I think it will be very hard!

 A few minutes later, the head and has appeared in the office and, of course, surprised by what she sees me and asked what I do.

- I am a light bulb !, I exclaimed.

- Cut the crap and go down from there, this office does not need such a bulb. And if I think about it, 'he said, trying to joke, no "light" they give is not very useful for your colleagues.

- I am the leader of all the bulbs in the room, I continued unperturbed, and in consultation we had with other bulbs we decided to ignite and extinguish us all together so our efficiency is maximized. The order will be with me, so I'll just I could give orders to light up or go out.

- Have you become, man !, he said. Take three days off to your back to normal.

As he said this, and I jumped down and left the office. I no longer interested in any of uncompleted work or what I expected return, and I thought only of fresh air and hard woods waiting to flood my chest.

My colleague blonde and she immediately came up to me and asked her head wondering where it goes.

- Sorry boss, but I can not work in the dark ...


                                                           

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FINAL RECKONING

Itzik necessarily want to encounter Pope . And he kept sending letters every day for many years, that it almost had lost all hope that he will ever meet , and that will be able to express the wish of His Holiness Pope.
And so 30 years passed until in a day , when the Pope decides to make a visit to Israel.
The news brought great joy to Itzik, the soul which has rekindled hope. It would not have wanted his life to end without to fulfill this dream .
Go Itzik to the Prime Minister of Israel speaks about his desire and achieve the promise that His Excellency will try to arrange a meeting with the Holy Father , but that given the advanced age of its busy schedule and limited time presence on the land of Israel , not should be too much to hope that it will agree .
Get Itzik, home, happy as never been in his life. He almost feel like he do not even touch the earth. He said the whole family was prepared in the morning was to be the Pope's visit , came to the door of the palace where Prime Minister organized a private meeting with His Holiness .
At the end of the meeting the Prime Minister tells the Pope :
- Your Holiness , before leaving, I have a request !
- Go ahead , said the Pope                                                                                                          
- You know, we have here in Israel, a man named Itzik one for 30 years every day write a letter to you, it asks you to get into the audience and every time you have refused . In the spirit of Christianity , would you like , while you're here , to get , to see what he wants, for 30 years wants to talk , please be nice, just 5 minutes !
- Well, well , says Papa , bring him to me !
Comes Itzik , bowed , kissed the Pope's hand and says :
- You know, for 30 years I want to meet you , I have a problem and I want to please help me .
- Tell Itzik , Pope says gently !
- You know, I have a restaurant . Big, beautiful, good food, good drink , it's cheap, everyone comes to eat me.
- Well Itzik , you're an enterprising spirit !
- Yes , but I am my father 's restaurant .
- Very nice , you took over the business , have developed a ...
- Yes , but my father had it from his father
- Well Itzik , I understand , was a family business , you have worked hard , have developed and where you 've come here today , between the best ...
- Yes , said Itzik clearly encouraged by the words of the Pope, but my father's father had it from his father who in turn inherited from his father.
- Itzik , I understand , the trade is a family trait , very nice !
- Yes, but my father and grandfather received from his father 's restaurant ...
- Itzik , you exasperated me , I do not understand where you want to go , that you have less and get the time of Christ ?
- Exactly , you see, you understand , it's about the Last Supper ... remained
unpaid ... what we could do to solve it ?


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CHEATING CONFUSION

Between me and Robert , an old friend , began to knock something. I liked him for a long time , but I dare to say anything until the day he made ​​his courage to tell me that any time you are living near me joy " of going to three feet " . Our first meeting was at a barbecue at the country house of a mutual friend . Many people asked , little known to me , the big house and ........ at one point , my newly beloved disappears. Many people ask him and find out that he was seen entering a certain room. I , caring friend , I think to go after him to see how it feels.

When I opened the door to that room in the dimness I could glimpse a scene that shocked me . We spent a sex that was close to its peak. The shock was terrible because the feminine side of the stage was my partner's ex-girlfriend . In my mind was shorted . I slammed the door immediately screamed loudly as I could while continuing with injuries down the stairs . I went out into the yard where I continued to " download " while everyone if trying to tell me something I do not want to hear.
After a few minutes , seeing that I find necessary support and no one seems very inclined to me and condemn the act " monstrous " walked toward the car , which was at the gate , determined to get as far away from this place .

When I opened the door I astounded , because my friend was lying on the back seat of the car enjoying the music with a strong enough volume can not hear anything that was going on outside. Course had made a terrible confusion that caused the entire show , and now the thought that you have to get back in the middle of those people brought me faint .

What a shame! What a shame!

What you should say is that after a few days of our relationship broke down because I realized that during that event , but I was the one I sought him ............. But this is already another story.




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MARKETING LESSON

Two friends meet after a long time . Mark was upset and went aside the obvious fact that it went all right. Rick was very good mood, happy, his whole attitude showing that his life is in control and has nothing to worry about.
M : - Dude, I got rid of all problems !

R : - But what have you done?

M : - I took an elephant , man !

R : - Come brother, let the bullshit that I feel ...

M : - No bullshit . I got rid of all the problems . You know my car park ? Comes elephant every day , wash them , give tail polishes them . My wife ... you know he's obsessed with garden flowers. I have no problem, they sprinkled it five times a day ... small jet, jet sea. Kids ... you know what we were desperate . I forgot that I have now. He has elephant trunk puts back , she walks around the neighborhood , play football with them. I have no stress.

R: - Yes ! And about how you gave him?

M : - 10 000 dollars, but do not regret a penny ...

R : - You know my friend, I do not want to sell it to me?

M : - What to do ? ! No way, that's part of the family pet now, is not for sale .

R : - Here you make an offer you can not refuse. I'll give you 15,000, but I want to be mine , you know what problems I have home!

M : - No way! It is our soul , how to break up with him ?

R : - Well let that give you 20,000 , give it to me to get out of trouble.

M : - No way , man , you do not understand. Do I order one for you if you want , but you'll wait about a year to get it deliver.

R : - Mark, listen well ! I'll give you 30,000 ! Help me solve my problems, we're like brothers , we started to do business , you know my family, you were there for me in good times and in bad , you can not just leave me now.

M : - Ok Mark , I accept ! . But I do know that our friendship , you realize , I think, that I gave from the heart , it was like our child. But for your sake and your family's sake I accept to sacrifice my family.

After six months the two friends meet again. Rick cheerful , Mark , finished already bleached hair , big dark circles , etc ...

R : - Mark , my friend, what have you done ? You fucking elephant that!

M : - Why do you say that ?

R : - Do not do nothing , man. Park my car , you know ... He got his ass with huge cars, I crushed them . My wife and her ... Obsessed with flowers , to dung on them , is seeing a petal in big shit . Kids ... can not stand , but he hits with the trunk , he runs through the yard . It's a disaster ! Meanwhile I did a mild heart attack !

M : - Rick buddy , you have a problem !

R: - Yes , I know, elephant from you.

M : - No! You, with that attitude , you will not ever sell elephant, guy!


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MOM OF DUMB IS ALWAYS PREGNANT !

This is a true story from an IT service company providing on line . No need to say, but the company participated in the discussion following the employee was fired . However, he sued the company for " Termination without Cause " . What follows is an excerpt from the discussion that led to the dismissal.

" C.W.H.O , can I help you? "

" Yes , I have a problem with your computer "

" What problem?"

" Well , I was writing and all of a sudden the words went away . "

" They're gone ? "

" Yes, they disappeared. "

" Hmm . And what does your screen now? "

" Nothing. "

" Nothing? "                                                               

" It's black and does not accept anything I type."

" Are you still in WordPerfect , or did you get out ? "

"Where do you realize ? "

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen? "

" What 's that prompt C: ? "

" Does not matter. Can you move the cursor on the screen? "

" There is no cursor , I told you not accept anything I type ! "

" Does your monitor have a power indicator? "

" What's a monitor ? "

" The thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV . Has a light that tells you when it's open or not ? "

" I do not know . "

" Then look behind the monitor and find where the power cord goes . Can you see that? "

" Yes , I think so . "

" Great. Follows the power cord , and tell me if it's plugged into the wall . "

" ... Yes, it is . "

"When you looked behind the monitor , did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the monitor not just one ? "

" No. "

"Well, there are. May look again and find the other cable . "

"Ok , I've found . "

" Watch it and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer . "

" I can not do that. "

"Oh . But can you see if it is ? "

" No. "

" Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean on something ? "

" Oh, it's because they do not have the right angle , but because it's dark . "

" Darkness !"

" Yes -the office light is off , the only light I have is coming out. "

" Well, turn on the office light then . "

" I can not. "

" No why? "

" Because it's a power outage . "

" Uh ... no electricity ? Oh, ok . I think I solved the problem. Still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in ? "

" Yes , we keep in the closet. "

"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just as you received . And then take it back to the shop where you got it . "

" Really? Is it that bad ? "

" Yes , I'm afraid so. "

" Then that's it, I suppose. And what to say ? "

" Tell them you're too stupid to have computer"

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OFTEN USED WOMEN S PHRASES

1 . I ask you something once

These words are one of the most beautiful figures of speech in a woman's vocabulary . It is used on various occasions , such as the intention to buy a pair of shoes 4oo dollars, or a makeup kit for $ 50 , skirt $ 80 , when he was made ​​a kiwi twist to midnight or when you want to see a movie with her ​​favorite actor , while you watch the Super-bowl final . Expression is not obviously than shorter version of " Once a day I please to do something for me."

2 . You never make SHOPPING

In this case , the memory's women is extremely short . Of course you did shopping yesterday , and obviously do it with the same frequency that does too. But if it happened she yesterday to buy memory rests miraculously "And yesterday I went shopping all ! " After a moment of thought, she will inform you always make complete online merchants while you escape its always something. It's time to take it in your arms and tell her something juicy quickly because otherwise it will have in the next few minutes , a few revelations that did not necessarily want to hear , such as those that she always buy everything, it pays always bills , it always lead the trash , it always makes clean etc . , etc. . After they hear the text maid and came home to the hotel , pork jerk who does not ever bring a flower .....

3 . So you say every time

Any argument, no matter how logical, pales in front of disarmingly "as you say every time ". Even if you look on Discovery Science and you disagree on nuclear fusion all "so every time you say " you will hear you talking all day, obviously just about atomic fusion .

4. Come late every night

These words can be heard , usually once a week , on the night that you left town to drink a beer with colleagues . By an unfortunate coincidence , this is exactly where she wanted the evening to go out to a movie or the theater , in other days , when you got home early , she having no mood for anything .

5. You are not getting me flowers than when you want something

You might not even want anything . No need to worry about she will not disarm : Find it in the coming days what you really wanted . If you do not want anything in two weeks , it's clear that " you did something."

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WHY happened ? Can you tell me ?

On one of the social forums a married woman has a life situation and asks advice. We introduce further the situation:
"Lately, concerned with everyday problems, I missed paying attention to proper relations with my husband, which is why I did not notice the apathy which included the fact that I answer increasingly difficult questions which routine put them.
Our marriage has a "history" of 10 years during which we've been through several moments or less happy. Essentially, if I do a review, joys were many more than troubles. So I keep my marriage and I would not agree at all that it takes on the road collapse.
Last week, in one day, I left the office leaving my husband at home watching TV. I took the car and went to the city where the building was supposed to arrive. At no mile away from home, I began to hear strange noises from the engine and had to pull over. I quickly returned home on foot, to call my husband to help me.                                                                                                            
My husband was in our bedroom with our neighbors daughter. I am 32, my husband is 34, the girl is 22 years old. We've been married for 10 years. We realize that we fought, he told me that he has a relationship with this girl for about 6 months. He said he was fired from the job and is very depressed. I promise it will not happen.                                                                                                    
I love my husband very much, but when I gave him the ultimatum is very silent, absent and distant. I'm afraid that I will leave. Why do you think happened it that way?
Thanks in advance, Maria. "

A man answers:
Dear Maria, when a car stops and does not want to start after a fairly short distance, you must take into account several factors. Start by checking if you have gas. Then check the filter and see if it has a problem. See if you have something to gasket. If none of all this not mean that the tank may have problems and / or injection pump does not work properly. I hope I have been helpful in solving problems that you face.


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